On the very extreme end of anime fandom lies the otaku who develop romantic feelings for certain anime characters, to the point of actually desiring a 2-D relationship over a real, 3-D one. This topic of major moe, mai waifus, and dakimakuras is nothing new to otaku culture, but it’s certainly among the most controversial. Bitmap over on The Untold Story of Altair and Vega recently wrote a post about the very subject, which sparked some thoughts for me…
From the otaku who actually put together a wedding for himself and a girl from the dating sim Love Plus, to the otaku who carries a dakimakura of a Da Capo girl around with him everywhere as if it were real, otaku who feel that they are sincerely in love with anime characters have found their way into the news. Of course, the reaction from the average person, in both Japan and Western countries, is repulsion. For English-speaking fans especially, it may be even harder to put up with such a thing when they know that the average Westerner’s view of anime is already distorted as it is. We want society to see the intelligence and art in anime, so it’s people like these otaku who have such creepy relationships with their hobby that give anime a bad name. Adding to the fact is that, despite what society thinks, anime companies seem to encourage this kind of relationship by creating products such as dakimakuras, oppai mousepads, and bikini-clad figures that precisely cater to these kinds of desires, which further frustrates fans who want anime to only be intelligent, creative entertainment.
So how does one develop such a desire for a fictional character in the first place? In his post, Bitmap brings up the concept of “unattainability” that anime characters have. He compares it to the courtly love of the Middle Ages, where the knight would have to win the love of a high society lady who is otherwise beyond his reach, which was actually seen as a virtue. Going back to 2-D love, perhaps having a lover who’s unattainable brings an air of mystery, whimsical-ness, sublimity, novelty, or any number of desirable adjectives to the relationship. Or perhaps it’s simpler than that. Having a 2-D girlfriend means no arguing, no need to put on airs, no need for jealously or hard feelings – in short, pure unconditional love. But then there’s the tragic aspect to it. Often these otaku had had a relationship with a real woman before that ended in heartbreak for them. They’ve simply given up on their chances of having a real girlfriend/wife and found that they’re satisfied with a 2-D one instead. In most cases, it seems like low self-esteem and lack of confidence in themselves is what brings them to 2-D love rather than choosing it over 3-D out of the blue. Though I do wonder what would happen if two or more otaku who love the same anime character were to meet. Would they fight over who loves her more? Or would they appreciate each other for liking the same girl? (it’s not like she can choose between them or get jealous).
I’m not sure how I personally feel about the whole thing. I’m not vehemently against it, but I also can’t bring myself to not find it creepy, or to not think that such otaku have some kind of mental/emotional issues. I do sympathize with the fact that this type of otaku is responsible for further distorting people’s view of anime, but at the same time, it’s a very real part of the fandom that shouldn’t be hidden. Despite the many anime characters I love dearly, I’ve never had any romantic interest in any of them beyond silly little fangirl crushes in high school. Most of my favorite characters are female, but for the male ones, any romantic feelings I had weren’t anything more than thinking, “Wouldn’t it be nice to meet a guy like [insert name of male character].” For characters I really love, my desires don’t go beyond just thinking about them a lot, wanting to see them in certain situations in the anime (nothing sexual), and wanting to have certain products with their likeness such as figures, posters, and plushies. So I don’t have any desire for products specifically made to elicit sexual feelings, such as dakimakuras and ecchi figures. Keeping the character in my mind, having a collection of G-rated products for him/her, and humbly carrying some around with me all the time in the form of phone straps, keychains, etc., is enough for me. I don’t need to imagine myself interacting with the character; I’m content to just think of them within the world of their respective series.
To conclude, all kinds of bizarre love has existed for centuries, 2-D love being just one modern example. Our Internet age of today has simply made them more explicit and out in the open. Looking on the positive side, if these otaku can get the same fulfillment from their dakimakuras and dating sims games that they would from having a real relationship, and they aren’t hurting anyone for it, then why not let them indulge in this little fantasy? Maybe relationships that are still loving but don’t bring more children into this already overcrowded world of limited resources, is a good thing? Better to let out their sexual desires on inanimate objects than raping real women/girls. But on the flip side, maybe something should be done to build the confidence of these otaku so they can find the real woman they seek and not use the 2-D world as a total substitute. Not to completely take anime and games away from them, but to help them find a healthy balance of both. I suppose only time will tell if 2-D love will go any farther than this, disappear into obscurity, or just be added to the growing list of strange love that the human heart can come up with.
I have mixed thoughts on this. People who develop these “relationships” aren’t hurting anyone else, but I struggle to think that there is not something psychological behind it. Like you said, some otaku have failed or been rejected in real life relationships, so they turn to 2-D characters, lovers who can’t betray them or reject them.
The problem is that this is the very definition of escapism, which is almost never healthy especially if you take it to an extreme (aka dakimura pillows). Perhaps some do it because they can’t cope with the real world, and use 2-D characters to manage. It’s easy to say that these people need to develop real world romantic relationships, but I can see this being difficult to impossible for many to accomplish. It’s a difficult situation to say the least.
On the other hand, I don’t particularly think there is anything wrong with people who merely feel sexual attraction toward anime characters. Just thinking that certain characters are attractive is eccentric by most standards, but if it’s not an obssession with a character, or rejection of real people and relationships, I don’t see any problem with it.
I agree with your points. You’re right, it is easy to say that these otaku should develop a real relationship, but what girl is going to want a guy who’s in love with a 2-D character? By loving anime girls, they may be fulfilling some need they have, but at the same time, doing so further diminishes their chances of getting a real girlfriend. It’s a vicious cycle so to speak.
Even thinking an anime character is attractive is considered weird, at least in Western countries. But yeah, the further one takes that feeling, the weirder it becomes to people. And like I discussed in a previous post about cuteness in Japan, it’s more acceptable to find a sexy, adult anime woman attractive than a cute, teenage one.
I wonder if this is a distinctly male otaku phenomenon, or whether female otaku / fujoshi have similar traits? I personally don’t mind if other anime fans declare their undying love for a 2D character — it’s very much the same as declaring one’s love for a god or deity by joining a monastic order, isn’t it? You renounce the world of secular things, people, or desires, and commit yourself to the one pure object or person or god. The creepy part comes when purity becomes a fetish — notice how many anime fans go berserk when they find out their 2D love interest turns out to have a boy/girlfriend or husband/wife, or not to be a virgin *in the world of the anime or manga*? Even worse, when the seiyuu of these characters have romantic or sexual relationships, it somehow carries over to the characters themselves and they become sullied! That is what bothers me more than loving 2D — it’s the cult of virginity that says that females — whether they’re 2D or 3D — must be sexually or romantically unblemished.
I haven’t seen any extreme examples of female otaku acting this way, though I’m sure some exist. I think it goes back to the fact that there are fewer female fans to begin with since most anime is aimed at a male audience. Also, there’s way fewer products out there that feature male characters for female fans to drool over. You’ll have to search long and hard to find the same variety of dakimakuras and dating sim games with attractive male characters for female fans.
Comparing love for a 2-D character to love for a god or deity is interesting. There are some major differences though, such as the former being sexual and the latter not, the former entailing love for something that a human made up while the latter is love for something immortal, supposedly above human existence, and the former having a known human form and personality while the latter does not. But yeah, in terms of that unattainability, they definitely both have that.
Good post – I guess to me, people obsessed with 2D are a lot like a fan having a one-sided crush on a celebrity. Just look at tween-age girls having crushes on Justin Bieber – he’s just as unattainable for them as Hatsune Miku is to otaku. Or picture some guy who’s obsessed with Scarlett Johansson, owns every movie she’s ever been in, goes to the Oscars just to maybe get a glimpse of her, and so on. The main difference to me is with the 2D-obsessed you have someone with a one-sided crush on a celebrity that’s not real, but in any case being too obsessed with anything isn’t healthy psychologically.
I think the danger for a lot of these otaku nearing middle age is they’re taking years they could be finding a real girl (or guy) to be happy with and start a family with if they choose, and wasting it pining after a 2D “ideal” that frankly has nothing to do with reality. Judging a real human being against a character from a game or anime who’s created as an ideal for otaku is setting yourself up for real life disappointment. I have to think down the road, when these guys turn 70 or 80, instead of getting hugs from their grandkids they’ll be lighting candles alone in front of their monitor for Asakura Yume’s birthday, and it’s hard to believe they’re not going to have some serious regrets in life by then.
There’s a fine line between hobbies and obsession – I love anime, I’ve loved it as far back as I can remember, to when I watched Star Blazers as a little kid – but at the same time, I don’t quit my job and hide from my family to watch anime in a dark room 24×7 either. Balance is a hard thing to find in life, and I don’t think most otaku take their love of anime and anime characters too far, but the ones who stage mock weddings…they’re a small minority, but they could probably use some help.
Great thoughts. I like the comparison between 2-D love and that of a real-life celebrity. The celebrity makes more sense to people because, again, it’s a real human being you’re coveting, and you can at least interact with them if given the chance, even if it’s just getting their autograph or them winking at you from the concert stage. Also, you can “follow” celebrities throughout their whole lives, while anime characters’ lives are limited to what their creators give them (unless fan fiction/doujinshi satisfies this for you).
I do wonder if these otaku will have regrets later in life, especially if they are indeed how you described when they’re 70 or 80. I guess I’m different than most people in that I could be satisfied in life just living comfortably watching and blogging about anime. I don’t want children, much less grandchildren, but I would definitely want real people to share in my love, if not a husband, then at least friends. As much as reality depresses me a lot of the time, I could never cast it off.
In our modern times, more and more women are acting more manly, or should I say- tsundere. It is extremally irritating to deal with a tsundere, and from a conservative man point of view, yes, we all dream of yamato nadeshikos and the concept of dieing without ever speaking to the loved one is still beautifull rather than off-putting. My grandpa often told me, that happiness is for women, and it is attained by a man’s suffering. It is simply otoko no roman. And there fore, I find the concept of sincerly loving a 2-d character admirable, though I wouldn’t know about the H merchendise, it’s rather un-romantic.
Interesting idea. Certainly with those ideals, 2-D love doesn’t seem so bad. But yeah, the ecchi merchandise is made to evoke sexual arousal rather than pure romance.
Oh, very interesting post. I personally have no problem with it. I have no romantic interest in any anime character, I know perfectly well they are not real, but I also understand that everyone is different, and someone may find that loving an anime character fills that specific void in their life. I would not say that it is done to replace the lack of a real girl/boy either, it’s just that some people are different. I’m sure that if they find the right person, they would probably still go out with that person and have a real relationship.
As another poster said before me, they really do not hurt anyone. And I do not think they even hurt themselves. I’ve learned (through a few hard lessons), that the harder you look for love, the harder it is to find. So actually distracting yourself a little may make it a bit easier. Well, that’s just one theory, there is no real “formula” to find the right person. What I’m saying is that there is nothing wrong with any kind of love as long as it does not hurt anyone.
Also, it’s no different from some eccentric westeners either, that marry their motorcycles, or cars, at least they are honest. Most regular people may “love” something in a way that they can leave other things behind (Internet games for example), but can never accept it. Maybe it’s an addiction? Well, maybe love itself is an addiction :P. So at least those Otaku are honest with themselves, and I admire them for that.
So I really have no problem with it, and do not even find it creepy. As long as they do not base it to actually hurt someone or do something that may really hurt themselves.
I agree with a lot of your points, especially in your second paragraph. I feel that trying too hard to find love will only make you more depressed, so yes, doing other things that make you happy in the meantime is fine (again, as long as you’re not hurting anyone). What these otaku could possibly do is try and find meetups of fellow otaku (possibly some female ones) who also like anime and games just so they can expand their circle of acquaintances and possibly find the right person. The problem though is that, if they’re too obsessed with only 18+ rated ecchi/hentai anime and games rather than general anime (like what we watch) then their chances are much slimmer.
Yeah, agreed. it falls back on to the balance thing again. The ever famous Ying-Yang. As long as they do not take things to extremes, there won’t be any problems. The problem comes when they do go to extremes, but that can apply to anything as well. Anything can be harmful when taken to extremes.
I don’t want to be overly critical about these otaku since I have few of otaku friends who rather love the 2-D characters instead of venturing out with 3-D girls. They sure can be creepy at times but I just respect their choices as a human being, and try not to be too judgmental about it. I mean, I too have my own infatuation for 2-D characters but I won’t go as far as humping a dakimakura.
Yes, we all have our own weirdnesses and infatuations, though I don’t have feelings for any character that would make me want to carry a dakimakura of them around in public. But for otaku who feel the need to do that, ultimately it’ll just appall a few people and not hurt anyone.
To each their own, if it’s not one thing it’s another. It’s kind of like people who go out to live alone in nature. For what ever reason, whether they’ve been harmed or traumatized or just not interested, they have turned their backs on humanity and ultimately reality of the masses. So while reality is what you make it, sharing in on a common spirit is what’s important. You don’t know your missing out on something that you’ve never known though.
Still, I think that love between human beings, whether unrequited or reciprocated, is an experience that is rivaled by emotions few and father between, a feeling that artificial love cannot even come close to re-creating, since even through ones ideal 2-D love you don’t fully realize what love fully encompasses, such as the negative,harmful,risky, and unsure aspects of it.
And by turning away your chances are zero. You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take… My basket ball coach told me that lol. It’s true. Anyway, you gotta get lucky some time don’t you?! Interesting topic to be sure!
Great words of wisdom XD I agree that people should pursue what (they feel) makes them happy, again as long as it’s not causing someone else harm. But I also agree that love can’t be fully experienced with 2-D only. After all, you need the negative aspects of love in order to fully appreciate the positive aspects. And yeah, even if you love your 2-D fantasy, you should at least be open to 3-D so as not to let any chances slip away.